Many people confuse narcissism with self-esteem, but they are not the same thing. Narcissism is a personality disorder characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, a lack of empathy for others, and a need for excessive admiration and validation. Self-esteem, on the other hand, is a healthy and realistic evaluation of one’s worth, abilities, and achievements.

Why is it important to know the difference between narcissism and self-esteem? Because they have very different effects on one’s mental health, relationships, and happiness. Narcissists often suffer from low self-esteem, insecurity, and shame, which they try to hide behind a mask of arrogance, entitlement, and superiority. They are constantly seeking external sources of validation, such as praise, compliments, attention, or admiration. They are also very sensitive to criticism, rejection, or perceived slights, which they react to with anger, defensiveness, or retaliation. Narcissists have difficulty forming genuine and lasting relationships with others, because they see them as either sources of supply or threats to their ego. They tend to exploit, manipulate, or devalue others to boost their own self-image or gain an advantage. They also lack empathy and compassion for others’ feelings, needs, or perspectives.

Self-esteem, in contrast, is based on an internal source of validation: one’s own values, standards, and goals. People with high self-esteem are confident in their abilities and achievements, but they are also humble and realistic about their limitations and mistakes. They are not dependent on external approval or recognition, but they appreciate and accept positive feedback when it is given. They are also open to constructive criticism and feedback, which they use to learn and grow. People with high self-esteem have healthy and satisfying relationships with others, because they respect themselves and others as equal and valuable human beings. They are able to give and receive love, support, and care without expecting anything in return. They also have empathy and compassion for others’ feelings, needs, and perspectives.

How can you tell if you or someone you know is a narcissist or has high self-esteem? Here are some signs to look for:

• Narcissists tend to exaggerate their achievements and talents, while self-esteem people are honest and accurate about them.
• Narcissists tend to brag and boast about themselves, while self-esteem people are modest and humble about themselves.
• Narcissists tend to compare themselves favorably to others and put others down, while self-esteem people appreciate their own strengths and weaknesses without judging others.
• Narcissists tend to blame others for their failures and problems, while self-esteem people take responsibility for their actions and consequences.
• Narcissists tend to demand special treatment and privileges from others, while self-esteem people respect the rights and boundaries of others.
• Narcissists tend to manipulate or exploit others for their own benefit or pleasure, while self-esteem people cooperate and collaborate with others for mutual benefit or enjoyment.
• Narcissists tend to lack empathy and compassion for others’ feelings, needs, or perspectives, while self-esteem people show empathy and compassion for others’ feelings, needs, or perspectives.

What are some examples of narcissistic behavior? Here are some common scenarios that illustrate how narcissists act in different situations:

• A narcissist may take credit for someone else’s work or idea without acknowledging their contribution or effort.
• A narcissist may lie or exaggerate about their accomplishments or skills to impress others or gain an advantage.
• A narcissist may expect constant praise or admiration from others without giving any in return.
• A narcissist may react with rage or contempt when someone disagrees with them or challenges their authority or competence.
• A narcissist may ignore or dismiss someone’s feelings or needs when they conflict with their own agenda or preferences.
• A narcissist may use guilt-tripping, gaslighting, or other forms of manipulation to get what they want from others or make them feel bad about themselves.
• A narcissist may cheat on their partner or betray their friends without remorse or accountability.

Narcissism vs. Self-Esteem: Understanding the difference is crucial for your mental health, relationships, and happiness. If you recognize yourself or someone you know in the description of narcissism above, don’t despair. There is help available for you to overcome your unhealthy patterns and develop a more balanced and positive sense of self. You can start by seeking professional counseling or therapy from a qualified mental health provider who specializes in treating personality disorders. You can also read books or articles that offer insights and strategies on how to cope with narcissism in yourself or others. You can also join support groups or online forums where you can share your experiences and learn from others who have gone through similar challenges. Remember that you are not alone in this journey. You deserve to be happy and fulfilled in your life.